The Complex Nature of Female Friendships: Insights from Tiffany Watt Smith’s ‘Bad Friend’

In her enlightening book, Bad Friend, cultural historian Tiffany Watt Smith argues that the perception of “bad” friends is a consequence of societal expectations that have evolved over the past century. This work serves as both a memoir and a historical exploration, shedding light on the intricate and often misunderstood dynamics of female friendships through various epochs.

Redefining Friendship

Watt Smith’s writing reflects her own experiences in friendship, prompting readers to reconsider their own relationships. She recalls the innocence of adolescent traditions, like decorating a friend’s arm with colorful gel pens, which has historical parallels in practices from late 19th-century boarding schools. According to Watt Smith, such innocent attachments served a purpose: fostering emotional skills necessary for future relationships, including marriage and motherhood. Works like Enid Blyton’s Malory Towers exemplify these “girl crushes,” featuring characters who express deep admiration for one another.

Challenges in Documenting Female Friendships

Watt Smith emphasizes the challenges historians face in accurately recounting women’s friendships, which often lack formal institutional recognition compared to marriage. To navigate these historical gaps, she draws on the methodology of black feminist historian Saidiya Hartman, known for her concept of “critical fabulation.” This approach allows researchers to explore the emotional subtext of historical narratives and interrogate the motivations driving women’s relationships.

Case Study: Friendships Behind Bars

One poignant example presented in the book revolves around Madeline and Minerva, two female inmates at the Auburn Correctional Facility in early 20th-century New York. Madeline, an undercover agent, attempts to gather insights from Minerva, who serves a caretaking role within the prison structure. Watt Smith skillfully navigates the complexities of power dynamics in their friendship, posing critical questions about assumptions and expectations tied to race and gender.

The Domestic Sphere and Community Support

Another aspect Watt Smith explores is the often-overlooked importance of female friendships within domestic settings. During World War II, women created support networks out of necessity, sharing resources like childcare and household responsibilities to combat feelings of isolation. However, contemporary perspectives on motherhood have shifted, with many feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of modern parenting. Watt Smith reflects on her own apprehensions regarding traditional motherhood support groups, likening them to “the most expensive phone book you will ever have,” yet acknowledging their vital role in relieving loneliness in a nuclear family setup.

Historical Perspectives

The book also contextualizes women’s interactions within historical frameworks. For instance, during the 1960s, Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique highlighted the dissatisfaction many housewives felt regarding their domestic roles, prompting conversations around female experiences. Meanwhile, in various black communities, shared child-rearing and support among women formed a normalized and celebrated practice.

Medieval Communities

Watt Smith takes her historical exploration as far back as the 12th century, referencing the Beguines—groups of single women living together in a supportive, non-cloistered environment. She examines historical wills from this period, noting common mentions of a “socia” or “compagnesse,” emphasizing the significance of friendship among women across time.

A Nuanced Perspective

Bad Friend serves as a vivid exploration of the myriad forms female friendships can take, countering the simplistic, idealized portrayals frequently seen in media. The author illustrates that friendships can exhibit a range of qualities—tender, angry, raw, and imperfect. Furthermore, Watt Smith dismantles the unrealistic expectation of a “perfect” friend, stating, “The perfect friend seems too brittle; how could she not shatter?”

This book is a vital resource for understanding the depth and complexity of female friendships, revealing not just their inherent value but also their historical significance.