For numerous Pacific Islanders, topics surrounding dating and sexual relationships are often shrouded in taboo, creating hurdles for young individuals seeking guidance and support.
This desire to dismantle the silence surrounding these topics motivated Kristian Fanene Schmidt to launch a new podcast named Island Fever, together with Tia Kaiulani Kanaeholo and Michael Tuatagaloa Alisa. The podcast delves into the unique dating and relationship experiences of Pacific singles living in the diaspora.
Kristian, who hails from Samoan roots, was raised in Porirua, Aotearoa New Zealand. He was aware of his sexual orientation from a young age but only embraced his identity publicly in his 30s. By sharing his experiences openly, he aims to help lessen the stigma associated with being queer.
“I knew I was gay for a long time, but it wasn’t until I approached 32 that I came out,” he shared with Pacific Pulse. “Being able to openly discuss something that others may carry in shame can often initiate their journey toward healing.”
When Kristian began to share details about his sexual experiences, his mother was taken aback and described it as “scandalous.” He recounted, “She said, ‘Kristian, your nephews and nieces could read this.’ And I responded, ‘I hope they will read it… so they can understand.’
He further reflected on the cultural restraint regarding discussions of sexuality, stating that “our expression around sex is heavily suppressed. However, the younger generation is making strides in having genuine conversations.”
“It might take some time before this generation reaches positions of influence,” he added.
Dealing with Shame in Conversations
The hosts of Island Fever bring a refreshing blend of candidness, humor, and a touch of relatable awkwardness to their discussions.
Tia Kaiulani Kanaeholo, an actress, writer, and producer, mentioned that her mother only began discussing sex with her when she was in her twenties. “She believed I was a virgin until I was nearly 28,” she shared with Pacific Pulse.
With mixed Native Hawaiian heritage and growing up in a conservative environment, Tia highlighted the necessity for respectful and open dialogues. “There’s still a sense of shame, as I come from a strongly religious background,” she revealed. “Having been raised in a conservative area of central California, I’m now reconnecting with my culture.”
“It is essential for others to observe how we navigate life today while balancing two cultural identities,” she concluded.
Exploring Love, Relationships, and Dating Beyond Cultural Boundaries
Michael, who carries Samoan heritage and was raised in O’ahu, Hawai’i, noted a pattern in his dating choices. He tends to gravitate toward non-Pacific Islanders, as he feels that relationships with Pacific Islanders carry “more significance.”
“Most of my casual dating experiences have been with non-Pacific Islanders because, in my mind, dating a Pacific Islander feels serious,” he explained.
Kristian emphasized the relevance of their podcast discussions, given the varied identities and viewpoints present. “Many podcasts feature either all straight men or all women… ours includes a straight man, a straight woman, and a queer man,” he noted. “Particularly within Pasifika communities, these candid conversations about dating, sex, and relationships are seldom shared or publicly explored.”
