A recent study from Stanford has introduced a term that highlights the emotional burden many straight women face: “mankeeping.” This phenomenon refers to the often unrecognized yet exhausting duty of supporting the emotional well-being of men, leaving women feeling drained and frustrated.
According to Angelica Puzio Ferrara, a postdoctoral fellow and developmental psychologist at Stanford, many men struggle with loneliness, which manifests in their relationships. “In the U.S., about one in five men claim they have no close friends,” she stated during a recent talk at the Clayman Institute Faculty Research Fellows.
This lack of close male friendships leads many men to rely on their female partners for emotional support. Ferrara notes that men’s social networks tend to be less robust than those of women, characterized by infrequent emotional sharing and limited reliance for support. Consequently, women often find themselves in the role of emotional caretakers, playing therapist, mediator, and emotional anchor.
The implications of this uneven emotional labor are significant. Recent data from Pew Research indicates that only 38% of single women are actively looking for love, compared to 61% of men. This discrepancy highlights a growing trend: women are choosing to step back from relationships that feel more like caregiving roles than partnerships.
Ferrara points out that this emotional labor stems not from individual relationships but from a systemic issue. The pressures of modern masculinity can create barriers that male partners struggle to overcome, subsequently amplifying women’s roles in their lives. She likens “mankeeping” to “kinkeeping,” the often-overlooked work women do to maintain family connections.
By naming this phenomenon, Ferrara believes that there’s a potential pathway to greater equity in emotional labor. Making this type of unpaid work visible may help shift societal expectations, potentially leading to shared responsibility for emotional health in relationships.
In light of these findings, some men are awakening to the importance of fostering their own friendships as a potential remedy for loneliness. A new trend has emerged where men, particularly from younger generations, are making an effort to connect with their friends more meaningfully. For example, a viral TikTok video featured a man dialing his friend just to wish him good night, highlighting the emotional depth such interactions can foster.
As they navigate the complexities of emotional companionship, men reaching out to strengthen their friendships can indeed contribute to alleviating the burden of mankeeping on women, fostering healthier dynamics between partners.
Ultimately, addressing emotional loneliness among men requires collective effort and a shift in how emotional support is navigated within relationships. By understanding and recognizing the burden of mankeeping, both partners can strive for a more balanced approach to emotional engagement.
