Understanding the Anticipation of Engagement: Emotional Insights from Couples

Anticipating a marriage proposal can be a rollercoaster of emotions for many couples. As relationships progress, the topic of engagement often enters conversations, creating a mix of excitement and anxiety for those waiting for “the question” to be popped. This article delves into the shared experiences of individuals who have navigated this unique period in their relationships.

The Build-Up to Engagement

For many, discussions about engagement begin long before an actual proposal occurs. Research from The Knot’s Real Weddings Study for 2025 suggests that 57% of couples talk about getting engaged more than a year prior to the event. Some even plan their weddings before a proposal is made, leading to a peculiar mix of anticipation and restlessness.

For instance, Naomi Hege, a 24-year-old engaged woman, has been with her partner for almost four years and has actively participated in ring shopping. Despite this involvement, her boyfriend is organizing the proposal, leaving her to piece together hints to understand when it might happen. “I know he’s worked with a private jeweler. That’s what prompted a lot of emotions,” she shared.

The Waiting Game

Many express feelings of anxiety and frustration while waiting for a proposal. The concept of “engagement purgatory” highlights the emotional toll this phase can take. Kamie Crawford, a former co-host of Catfish, describes it as being aware that a proposal is forthcoming but lacking control over when it will occur. “It’s frustrating,” Crawford states in the podcast Naturally You.

This uncertainty can lead to obsessing over details such as outfits and nail appearance, exacerbated by friends and family possibly being in on the secret. For example, one woman’s choice to wear an all-white outfit led to speculation from her partner about a proposal, intensifying her anticipation.

Anticipation and Anxiety

Anticipatory anxiety can overshadow significant moments in life. Nordea Lewis, another individual coping with this waiting period, reflected on how her relationship milestones—like buying a home—were constantly intertwined with expectations of a proposal. “At that point, I was getting so anxious,” she described, noting the blend of pressure and excitement that accompanied her thoughts.

Therapist Kirby Brash notes that while the anticipation can be exhilarating, it can also contribute to anxiety, particularly when expectations are tied to specific events or timelines. “If a proposal doesn’t happen as anticipated, it can lead to feelings of disappointment and doubts about the relationship,” Brash explains.

The Social Dynamics

A common struggle for those experiencing pre-proposal anxiety is the tendency to keep feelings secretive to avoid pressuring their partner. Lewis mentioned, “I never really vocalized it to him because I never wanted it to be like a forced thing.” This internal conflict often makes the waiting period even trickier.

Life’s Next Steps

Rachel Lee, a woman reflecting on her own pre-engagement anxieties, shared that this waiting period often feels like a pause before significant life milestones like marriage and family. “It kind of feels like this big moment when your life starts,” she noted, highlighting the societal expectations that accompany this transitional stage.

A Journey with a Happy Ending

In a twist of fate, the long-awaited proposal for the author happened in an unexpected setting—a private rooftop in New York City. Although not during the California trip initially anticipated, she felt relieved and satisfied to have prepared herself, ensuring her nails were done and wearing an Instagram-worthy outfit.

Looking back, the anticipation turned out to be a necessary part of the journey toward commitment. As she prepared for the next steps in her life, including wedding planning, she found a sense of closure and joy in the experiences leading up to her engagement.

The emotions surrounding pre-engagement anticipation are complex, involving excitement, anxiety, and a keen sense of shared expectation. While waiting for love’s official declaration can be challenging, many find that once it happens, the entire experience falls into place, paving the way for new beginnings.