We often hear about men showering their partners with gifts, but what about the women who quietly support their partners financially due to love, a sense of obligation, or the hope of a brighter future together? Many do it without expecting anything in return.
From paying rents to covering entire lifestyles, these Nigerian women share their journeys of financially supporting their partners until they reached a breaking point.
“We promised that whoever ‘made it’ first would help the other. But when I got my breakthrough, he became my burden.” — *Aaliyah, 23, Machine Learning Engineer, $900/month
I first met *Idris, 27, on TikTok in August 2022 when he began aggressively engaging with my posts before sliding into my DMs. With his Fulani roots and an intellectual vibe—writer, software engineer—he captivated me. Looking back, I realize it might have been a clever hook.
After three months of chatting, we finally agreed to meet for a movie, “The Woman King.” At the cinema counter, he joked that I should pay since I was the one who invited him. I was taken aback, but I ended up paying, which should have served as a red flag.
For two years, our relationship fell into a troubling routine: he would offer to pay for outings, only to find subtle ways to reclaim the money later on, like asking me to cover transportation or buy him something. The financial balance always favored him.
We started dating in October 2022, shortly after I graduated with a computer science degree. I juggled a ₦50k/month data analyst job while pursuing my dreams in machine learning. When I landed a lucrative contract paying ₦200k/month, I was thrilled, but I didn’t realize the burden Idris would become.
Initially, I believed men should handle the finances, as my father taught me. Being a giver in love is natural for me, yet supporting Idris felt more like an obligation than a genuine act of love.
Idris was vague about his income, and when he told me he was facing financial difficulties, I felt compelled to help. Even when my contract ended, and I returned to my lower-paying job, I continued to support him, believing we would rise together.
By May 2023, I secured a remote ML engineer role in the U.S. for $900/month, while Idris remained jobless and penniless. The first month of my new job, he began pressuring me about rent. Despite not having received my first paycheck, I gave him ₦150k for his rent, which I initially planned to gift him for his birthday. I was left with a mere ₦100k for the rest of the month.
Every month, his requests for money grew more demanding, and I felt guilty denying him, even as I struggled. He was draining my resources and dragging me down.
Idris resisted entry-level job opportunities, despite his lack of experience. I even took the initiative to help him by reaching out to recruiters through his LinkedIn, and he eventually nabbed a ₦175k/month job. But relief was short-lived; he borrowed money for forex trading and lost it all, along with buying credit items he couldn’t afford.
Incredibly, he proposed marriage while still financially dependent on me. I knew a future with him would be unsustainable. Despite my hesitations to leave due to lack of experience, by Ramadan 2024, I prayed for change or a way out.
Aside from financial burdens, he body-shamed me, worsening my self-esteem and body image. As time went on, he became even more distant and neglectful. When I stopped giving, he emotionally withdrew.
On Workers’ Day in May 2024, I discovered he was cheating. This shocking revelation led me to confront him, yet he brushed me off, prompting me to walk away for good. I felt liberated, finally able to escape the toxic relationship.
While he continued messaging me with lame excuses, I was simply grateful to cut ties. I later uncovered that my belief he was earning ₦175k was false; he had been making ₦275k. When I demanded repayment of what he owed me, he reluctantly gathered the funds. As soon as he did, I ensured all communication ceased.
Breaking free from this toxic cycle was my priority. I still maintained my giving nature, but now it would be directed toward those worthy of my generosity.
“Moving on was easy once I remembered his flaws and invested in myself.” — *Peace, 20, Fantasy & Romance Novel Writer, $500/month
At 18, I began dating my first boyfriend, believing that spending in a relationship should be equal. I was a 300-level student, relying on a ₦20k weekly allowance from my parents.
After eight months, he had never offered to cover any costs. When he finally asked for financial help, I thought it was reasonable, so I lent him money. What began as small requests rapidly escalated, making me increasingly uncomfortable as I saw my love clouding my judgment.
He eventually got an internship that paid ₦100k but never repaid me. Over time, I quietly realized that my affection had led to an unhealthy dynamic of dependence. The highest loan I ever gave him was ₦25k, which he claimed was to repay his father. On reflection, I see that my prior love for him blinded me to his true character.
Moving on was simpler than I imagined; I focused on his negative traits and started treating myself better. Despite him owing me ₦70k and cutting off communication once I pressed for repayment, I’m now more cautious in future relationships, especially regarding finances.
“After he drained my funds, I decided to quit my job.” — *Charity, 33, Kitchen Steward, ₦85k/month
My partner served as a paramilitary officer without a steady salary, earning only sporadic stipends and side jobs. He barely scraped by each month, unable to provide for a family with children from multiple women.
We met in 2019 while I worked as a catering assistant, and soon moved in together after a brief romance led to pregnancy. Despite having three children together, he never formally married me nor fulfilled the promises he made.
Initially, I felt lucky to have him, but love alone doesn’t cover basic needs. My catering job never provided enough income, so I took on a teaching position that offered ₦85k; however, he took my ATM card and drained my account while I was away during my shifts.
Faced with his verbal abuse and neglect towards our children, I realized I was effectively working for nothing and ultimately decided to quit my job. Now, I’m left scrambling to fend for my kids, longing for a way out of this unstable life.
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