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I believe we are witnessing a significant trend in dating dynamics.” Theresa MacPhail, a medical anthropologist and associate professor at Stevens Institute in New York, emphasizes not only her academic perspective but also her personal experiences as a single woman in her fifties using dating apps. The trend she observes concerns age gaps in relationships.
While the narrative surrounding older men dating younger women has been widely discussed—think of countless articles about Leonardo DiCaprio and his consistently young partners—MacPhail sheds light on the reverse trend.
Over the past decade, she observes a noticeable increase in men aged 23 to 30 reaching out to her on prominent dating platforms like Hinge and Tinder. “I’m now receiving messages from men as young as 19,” she shares. “Since turning 40, the number of younger men in my inbox has increased significantly, maybe two or three times more.”
Though open to a wide range, MacPhail recounts a significant relationship she had with a man 15 years her junior when she was 42. Currently, she prefers to connect with people aged 35 to 55, though she’s willing to consider those up to 65 if they seem “interesting and engaged.” Her filters cap at 30 for younger potential partners.
“I feel comfortable dating people younger or older; what matters most is compatibility and shared interests,” she explains.
MacPhail’s experience is not isolated. A recent study from luxury sex-toy brand Lelo revealed that over 83% of respondents have expanded their age preferences on dating apps in the last year. Bumble has reported a similar trend, with singles globally becoming more flexible with age filters; nearly 63% of its users view age as less of a critical factor in dating. In the UK, 84% of men express willingness to date across age lines, while over 61% of women would consider dating younger partners.
“Societal views on age-gap relationships are evolving,” states Dr. Caroline West, Bumble’s sex and relationship expert. “Over one-third of women on Bumble say they’re less judgmental about generational relationships than before.”
One contributing factor may be the increasing number of films centered on age gaps, particularly stories featuring older women and younger men. Recent titles like the latest Bridget Jones film, starring Renée Zellweger alongside Leo Woodall, and others, such as ‘A Family Affair’ (Nicole Kidman and Zac Efron) and ‘The Idea of You’ (Anne Hathaway and Nicholas Galitzine), highlight this dynamic. Notably, previous hits like ‘Something’s Gotta Give’ or ‘Prime’ have also tackled similar themes.
The trend of dating outside one’s demographic seems to be growing especially among younger generations. Data from dating app Flirtini revealed that 52% of Gen Z men are open to dating women older than them by four to ten years. In contrast, only 9% of millennial men and 1% of Gen X men share the same sentiment. Conversely, just 7% of Gen Z males are interested in dating younger women, a figure that rises to 67% for millennials and 95% for Gen X.
Gen X women, aged 45 to 60, appear to be the most receptive to dating younger partners, with 34% expressing willingness to date men over ten years their junior—a stark contrast to just 10% of millennial women and 0% of Gen Z women feeling the same way.
So what draws younger men to older women? Tom*, a 28-year-old Bumble user, attributes his attraction to older women to their intentionality and assertiveness. “I think older women tend to be more communicative and expressive,” he shares. “Love transcends age, provided both parties are happy and aligned.”
I think older women are more intentional and assertive in what they want.
Tom, 28
MacPhail finds that younger men frequently express interest in older women for their engaging conversations and varied experiences. “Younger men see older women as interesting and often believe there’s more to learn from them,” she explains. The perception of older women as sexually experienced is also significant; she notes, “They might be influenced by the sexual narratives popularized in media, leading them to find relationships with older partners appealing.”
On the other hand, Hayley*, 34, has recently decided to explore dating older men, setting her Bumble preferences to connect with those up to 55. She perceives the differences as intriguing and highlights stability alongside emotional maturity as key draws. “Older men know what they want and are not hesitant about pursuing it,” she shares.
Similarly, Emma*, age 34, is contemplating dating younger men, encouraged by friends in successful relationships with younger partners. “Their experiences have inspired me to be open to this possibility, though societal perceptions still concern me,” she notes.
Despite the progress made in media representation of older women dating younger men, such relationships often confront stigma. The existence of the label “cougar,” which lacks a male equivalent, underscores lingering biases against women in these dynamics.
The media’s fixation on age-gap relationships can often contribute to discomfort surrounding them. For instance, the focus on the relationship between actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson, 34, and his 58-year-old wife, filmmaker Sam Taylor-Johnson, or French President Emmanuel Macron’s marriage to his 14-years-older spouse Brigitte, are often sensationalized. MacPhail is intrigued by when societal disgust appears towards these relationships. “Taboos help maintain social cohesion. Relationships with significant age differences can be provocative,” she states.
It’s common for me to receive messages from men as young as 19.
Theresa MacPhail
In her observations, while society is more accepting of younger men dating older women on a physical level, it struggles with romantic implications. Questions often arise about compatibility, communication, and generational differences. “People frequently challenge these relationships, curious about the dynamics,” she explains.
However, those brave enough to defy conventional norms may discover rewarding connections. “Younger generations exhibit impressive relational intelligence,” affirms Dr. West. “Many younger men demonstrate emotional sensitivity and possess a commendable understanding of intimacy, leading women to widen their dating horizons.”
Of course, challenges exist in any relationship. According to Kate Moyle, a psychosexual therapist, effective communication about future goals is crucial. “It’s essential to discuss potential obstacles to navigate them successfully together,” she advises.
It’s also important to disregard external judgments and opinions that often accompany such relationships. “The opinions of others can influence feelings, making it crucial to concentrate on personal emotions,” Moyle adds. “You are not obligated to share details about your relationship, especially when it comes to invasive inquiries.”
Ultimately, embracing the idea that “you do you” is the most fitting way to navigate the complexities of different relationships, as MacPhail suggests, “Letting people do what feels right for them, even if it wouldn’t be my choice.”
*Names have been altered for privacy purposes.
