Reflections on Marriage and Dating
We were not an unhappy couple. To the outside world, we probably appeared quite typical. My husband and I have been together for 17 years, recently commemorating our 14th wedding anniversary. Our lives were comfortable and a bit complacent, often communicating through our phones, sharing meals in front of the television, and focusing primarily on our children, much like many of our married friends. When our mortgage payments increased significantly, hiring a babysitter for evenings out seemed extravagant.
An Unexpected Encounter
On New Year’s Eve, we attended a gathering hosted by another couple who had a child in our son’s class. This was a family-friendly event, encouraging everyone to bring their kids along. During the party, I found myself in a conversation with three women I had never met before. It turned out they were all single and, at least one, had hoped to find eligible men at the party.
The Single Experience
While most attendees were nearing 50, this group was around ten years younger, all strikingly attractive, successful, humorous, intelligent, and vibrant – truly exceptional individuals. None of them had been married, and they were all using dating apps, yet simultaneously expressing frustration with them. I was intrigued. Dating apps didn’t exist when I was last single; I met my husband the traditional way, in person.
A Fond Memory
I had known my husband through work for several years before we became a couple. After 18 months without seeing each other, we both almost skipped the Christmas party in 2007, changing our minds at the last minute. When I spotted him across the room that night, it felt like a gentle electric shock – a sudden awareness, but without any discomfort. From that moment on, we became inseparable.
The Modern Dating Scene
The women I spoke with had been through their share of disappointments in the dating world, recounting some of the bizarre messages they received after matching with men online. While their stories captivated me, they underscored the disheartening reality of contemporary dating that I was fortunate to have missed. Their experiences lingered in my thoughts, reminding me of how swiftly I had forgotten the complexities of dating.
A Renewed Appreciation
Among my friends, I was the last to marry. At that time, being single felt isolating, as if I were the only one left among happy couples. My desire for companionship was strong, and I was unwavering in my standards; my partner needed to be kind, humorous, intelligent, and supportive. If my early-thirties self could have seen how well my husband matched those ideals, she would have thought herself incredibly lucky. However, witnessing how I sometimes took him for granted over trivial matters, like his dishwasher loading skills, would have been perplexing.
Valuing the Relationship
Conversations with the single women reminded me of my own journey. They renewed my gratitude for my husband. Although neither of us is flawless, our partnership is effective. We still share laughter, and our relationship has always felt organic, although it does require effort.
A Commitment to Each Other
My New Year’s resolutions have focused on being more present: switching off the television, putting down my phone, and genuinely listening to my partner. I’ve committed to taking a moment to kiss him goodbye rather than rushing out the door. We’ve also established babysitting exchanges with friends, allowing for regular date nights (though my husband knows not to label them as such).
Embracing the Everyday
I’ve come to appreciate the importance of cherishing what I have and protecting our bond rather than taking it for granted because it’s no longer new and shiny.
And yes, he’s still not great at loading the dishwasher.
